Unhappy parents Equals unhappy children.
Children are very sensitive to negative emotions and can sense when parents are unhappy. They also absorb negative emotions and energy like a sponge and often feel responsible for your unhappiness!. Its due to the environment within the home and the relationship of the spouses the child grows up to then believe they are the reason for the problems, they may feel like a burden towards their families and unfortunately the world.
Spending 12 years in my teaching career and having dealing with myriad of behavioural issues, and sadly in some cases, children and adults who contemplate self harm or suicidal thoughts, its not hard to pin point where these issues can stem from and usually always the case, childhood. The constant negativity within the home is detrimental for your child’s cognitive development and emotional wellbeing.
They will act up, display aggression and frustration due to the deep rooted sadness they hold within but cannot communicate. I know this is deep talk, and maybe not what many adults would want to hear or read, I’ve written this not for fun but to help you understand what your actions as an individual who has not healed from your own trauma, the very cycle that you are perpetuating. Regardless of how much you try to hide it, they feel it and pick it out. A short read to reflect and accept responsibility in where you fall short, where you can learn, grow and be open to receive help.
Parents fail to understand how the depth of their relationship affects their children including babies.
A child is very sensitive to the environment, through the homes they live in and the tension they are exposed to. here is a short excerpt from one of my books (Reclaiming my heart and breaking the chains, a daughters guide to healing the mother wound and embracing self love).
Nature reads the environment then adjusts the final tuning of genetics of the child based on what is immediately going on within the world, How can nature read the environment and do this? The answer is that the mother and the father becomes natures head start programme. They are the ones who are living in and experiencing the environment. Their perceptions of the world is then transmitted to the child (Bruce Lipton).
How does this connect? Well, if you are experiencing a tough relationship, your head start programme is negativity, stress, misconceptions about men and women, your thought process, your behaviours, your energy, whether you like it or not, since you are the headstart programme it is passed onto the child!
This is where my work as a holistic interior designer begins, a process that starts with the emotional, psychological and relational dynamics within the home. Before I choose and design I look at how stress is accumulated, what feels safe and what ways can we use the home to regulate whilst also the parents work on their self and the relationship.
It is not that the only role during pregnancy is the nutrition but also the entire thought process of the mother that is passed on, the stress, the fear, her paradigms, the current environment she is living in. Within the blood stream there is more than nutrition, it consists of information and emotions that are within the mother is passed on through the placenta. If the mother is happy the baby is too, as the same chemistry make up is passed on to the foetus. This also includes the thought process and paradigms of the father. If parents are unaware and neither do they learn or actively try and develop themselves then we have a large problem at hand. (Reclaiming my heart and breaking the chains, a daughters guide to healing the mother wound and embracing self love).
You may be able to mask over your issues as much as you like by going on vacations, the 5 star hotels perhaps enjoying the view of the Burj or maybe a beautiful ocean pretending that your marriage is fine and you’re both happy again. what you are both doing is avoiding, avoiding the very reality that you need to sit with. The temporary one week of happiness does not change your factual reality that your relationship is breaking apart, and this has consequences. you know this in your heart too.
This temporary quick fixes serve as a mask to deter you away from your own reality leading to delusion, repeated cycles and then a downfall in your marriage affecting the very innocent souls who have nothing to do with it. Your temporary vacations, sexual satisfaction and showering gifts does not change who he or she really is and what is required to be dealt with at that given moment.
Masking your reality is teaching your children to mask and escape their own troubles by having a laugh or two and by materialism, in this current world and dynamic with the exposure of massive wealth and social media we both are aware of how dangerous that can be.
Children see you and they will repeat what they see in you with their own spouses.
I’m sure you reading this are serious about your marriage and the atmosphere you create within your homes, you will do what it takes to not repeat the household you came from. To create a fantastic loving relationship. A marital bliss. A home that is full of love. growth. Respect. nurture and values. Take a look within and rewire a generational pattern. Have the hard conversations so that your child does not need to suffer. face the problems head on. Remember its you both vs the problem. Not each other.